Today I’m guest posting over at Simple Mom (where I’m a monthly columnist). I’ve written a post that I think you’ll enjoy as well:

How to talk to your children about sex

If you like it, please join in the discussion there and share it by Retweeting or via Facebook. Thank you.

Want more?

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

It’s safe to say that one of the major things marriage provides your life is the intimate connection  you can create with your spouse.

It’s part of marriage’s elegance.

You and your spouse can create an entire part of your life that only the two of you know about.

Yet, this intimate connection is also a sources of major frustration.

One of the hurdles to creating a close intimate connection with your spouse is an unrealistic togetherness expectation.

Stated another way, this is idealized or fantasy togetherness.

As a reminder, expectations are really planned disappointments.

So what expectations did you bring into your marriage?

We all have them. Here’s a list of common ones:

1. You want a relationship with your partner that is

• just like the family you grew up in (denying the reality of weaknesses in your family of origin)
• or nothing like the family you grew up in (denying the reality of strengths in your family of origin)

2. You want your partner to make up for the damage you experienced in your family of origin either

• by providing what you did not get
  - acceptance, validation, approval, security etc. OR
• by accepting your extremes (clinging or distancing) without requiring you to mature

3. You want to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated for your uniqueness and you expect to feel safe and cherished

• Romantic love should make everything right with the world
• If he/she truly loved me, he/she would understand my needs and wants and know what to say or do to meet my needs and wants

4. My partner wants the same things from our relationship that I want, so if I give him/her what I want, he/she will give it back to me

• A “GIVE TO GET” relationship

Answer me this: How often do you give up or rearrange yourself for the sake of connection and/or intimacy?

A far too common belief about intimacy is an expectation of partner trust and reciprocal disclosure as a requirement for deeper levels of intimacy.

It would sound something like this: “I’ll tell you about me, but only if you tell me about you. If you don’t, I won’t either. But I want to, so you have to. I’ll go first and then you are obligated to disclose too: it is only fair. Before I go first, you have to make me feel secure because I need to be able to trust you.”

Does safety (i.e. trust) as a requirement for intimacy, foster true self-disclosure? Or does it foster self-presentation?

What’s the difference you ask?

Self disclosure is exactly what is sounds like – a revealing of yourself, be it thoughts, beliefs, ideas, reactions – in the presence of another person. But true self disclosure also involves a bit more. It involves a willingness to reveal myself to another AND take responsibility for myself in relationship with them. Tell me if this sounds like self disclosure:

I feel abandoned when you tell me you’re going to do something with your friends and I’m not invited to join.

On the surface this sounds like self disclosure – but it’s not. This is more like a manipulation than a disclosure. I’ll tell you about my abandoned feelings in hopes that you’ll change so I don’t feel abandoned.

True self disclosure would go more like:

When you tell me you’re going to do something with your friends and not me I feel scared because I don’t feel good enough about myself nor do I feel strong enough within myself to be alright without you. Consequently, I want to respond to my fear by controlling you and forcing you to stay and do things with me whether you want to or not, so I don’t have to deal with my fears and own inadequacies.

Is self disclosure safe within any relationship?

That’s not a guarantee beforehand. What’s revealed could be used against you. But self disclosure presents the opportunity to get to know yourself in the presence of your spouse.

Self presentation, on the other hand, is the portrayal of what you think your partner wants to encounter, or what you think the situation calls for – it’s not a revealing of yourself.

Many people state that they’re interested in intimate relationships or that they want more intimacy in their marriage – here’s a few things to know about intimacy and intimacy expectations:

• Intimacy is just as likely to be disconcerting and uncomfortable as it is to be warm and fuzzy.
• Obsession with intimacy leads to less satisfying relationships
• People who pursue only intimate relationships limit the pleasure and freedom of less demanding relationships
• Seeking understanding is often a demand for your partner to understand you the way you understand yourself
  -  “Accept me the way that I am”
  -  Asking partner for validation of your inaccurate self-portrait
  -  Demanding that your partner understand what you yourself haven’t figured out about you

Many times the complaint about lack of intimacy is actually the inability to tolerate the intense awareness of self and/or other.

When your partner tells you that they have no interest in travel, knowing full well that you love to travel, what happens to you? Do you feel rejected and unloved? Do you appreciate your partner’s willingness to tell you who he/she is, whether you like it or not? Do you immediately plan to give up travel . . . or get a new partner?

What about a third option – you can accept that your partner is not you, and you can both love your partner, and love to travel.

Marriage presents countless opportunities for self disclosure due to the differences between you and your mate. But a truly intimate relationship only occurs when you show up as the real you.

It’s a leap of faith, yes, but it’s the only pathway to true intimacy.

(photo source)

Want more?

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

Transitioning from school to summer can be hard on our kids, but I think it is even harder on us moms, if you know what I mean!   If we have been lucky enough to have all our kids in school during the day, we are use to having some time “alone”.  This abrupt change when that last bell rings for the school year can put some moms into frenzy and feel incapable, unprepared and overwhelmed.  I know, I use to be one of those moms, who had trouble transitioning to the days when my kids were around me 24 hours a day!  As a single mom this was incredibly difficult, you just never got a break!  I am thankful those days are over.

So as we venture into this summer season, I would love to share with you a few ideas that have come up in coaching calls I’ve had with other busy moms lately as we tackle the issue of “summer” and the added stress it can have for moms.  Hopefully a few will be right on target and make your summer more of a dream than a struggle.

1.  Take time for yourself – somewhere!

“But I don’t have time!”  Sound familiar?  I realize that having kids around all day means there is little time to be “alone”.  So, in order to make that happen, you have to get creative and pro-active.  I can tell you, someone is not going to set this up for you; you are going to have to make it happen yourself.  If your kids are older, 5 and up, you can set a time every morning or afternoon where they know you have time alone.  Set up the expectation and follow through.  Sit outside, read on the sofa, take a walk, whatever soothes your soul.  Now, if you have younger kids it may be easier to get your time alone in the morning BEFORE everyone gets up.  I know for me, even with older kids this set-up works best.  I can have “me” time and then my mind is set for the day.

2.  Keep some kind of routine

This is non-negotiable!  Even though it is summer and everyone wants to be lazy and “hang out” you still need some kind of structure to create a flow in your home.  We have a much more laid back summer routine for the morning, but never the less the kids know what needs to be accomplished by a certain time and what they’re responsible for.  It allows for everyone to actually do something rather than waste the day away.  Some days it is fine to lay around til noon in your jammies, we even schedule “Pajama Day” at our house, but if it becomes a habit you are just asking for trouble.  Set up some expectations and stick to them.

3.  Trading Kids

So this is a great way for you to still have some time “off” even when you are suppose to be “on duty” 24/7 now!  Do you have a friend or neighbor with similar age and number of children?  Why not coordinate a day per week where you take all the kids and she gets a break and then she takes the kids and you get a break!  You could work this as an all day event, but I much prefer the before or after lunch schedule.  Say you pick up her kids at 1 PM, they’ve already had lunch and off you go to do some exploring with your kids along for the ride.  I know other moms have realized this secret….shhhhh…… “The more kids that you have in your arena does not mean it is more work!”  Come one, you know what I mean!  Choose a fun activity (beach, park, zoo, etc) and supervise everyone having a good time.  You may even be surprised that you can get a few chapters of your favorite book in while they are splashing about.  The reward is your afternoon FREE of kids – just imagine how wonderful that break will be and what you can do during that time.

4.  Easy Meals

Come up with some easy lunch ideas that your kids can either help you prepare or do it all themselves.  I especially love when I have leftovers and the kids just re-heat those.  It makes it great for everyone.  We do like to experiment at our house though,  so usually we plan one day in the week to do a special lunch recipe, making it part of an activity.  This can be making pizza, homemade macaroni and cheese or another favorite you have.  Make sure you plan ahead to avoid fast-food, especially if you are going to be out and about.  The worst habit you can fall into during the summer is quickly running through the drive-thru because it is the “easiest”.  At times it is necessity, but a little planning can prevent the trip!

5.  Family Meeting

Have a family meeting to get some input from your kids about some activities they would like to do this summer.  I have found this to be a great resource for planning our summer.  The suggestions sometimes surprise me, but we really have done some interesting things due to suggestions.  We also have asked the kids to pick 3 things they would like to do during the summer, put them in order of preference and then we tell them we will do our best to complete at least one.  It may be as simple as camping or back packing or more difficult, like getting a trampoline (which we in fact did one summer!)

6.  Time Outside

Get your family outside everyday!  This may seem like a no-brainer, but as kids get older it is easier for them to find the TV or video games very intriguing.  Make an expectation for everyone, including you that you will all get outside during the day for some time of activity.  Maybe it is just walking the dogs, or perhaps having a water balloon fight.  Even if it rains, get creative about how to have fun outside.

7.  Read a book together

You can start this even when you have really young kids.  By intentionally choosing to read together as a family you are encouraging this as a habit for your kids to continue to develop as they grow older.  Choose a few different books to read, start with one and see where it goes.  You can choose a time to read, and switch readers if you have older children.  Sometimes we read around the breakfast table, it is where everyone is and it keeps them entertained too.  Now that my kids are older, we are picking a book and everyone is reading at their own pace and we set times to discuss what we have read.  This summer we are reading, “The Hole in the Gospel, What Does God Expect of Us,” by Richard Stearns.  I have enjoyed creating this type of environment for continued learning and expression throughout the summer months.

8.  Have a Pajama Day

This is a favorite of my kids!  It works throughout the year, but I find that in the summer it is even more fun to pick a day and purposefully stay in your pajamas, hanging out enjoying just your family.  We started this “tradition” when I was a single mom and had little money for big adventures, so we created our own little adventures!  We would watch movies, play games, make recipes, rest and just plain hang out!  It is like taking a mini vacation in the middle of summer right at home!

9.  Plan Ahead

This is often an area that moms struggle with.  Planning fun activities and adventures in advance so you have what you need.  I know I struggle with this even today!  It just seems that time gets away from me and then I am caught off guard.  So this summer I decided to create a Summer Survival Calendar with Kids.  It is a 3 month summer calendar with over 100 activities, recipes and projects with click-able links to all the instructions.  So all the planning is done for you, you just need to take a look at the weeks line up and make sure you have supplies handy and you are all set.  I have done all the work for you.  You can take a look at The Confident Mom’s Summer Survival Calendar with Kids and see if it sounds like a must have for you!

10.  Ask for Patience!

Keep doing what you need to do in order to keep fresh and connected.  For me, I know I am praying for patience several times a day – and well, He gives me lots of opportunities to display what I ask for!   Taking a deep breath is sometimes all you can do when things start getting a little crazy, but just remember, you are the adult and you just need to keep acting like the adult!

I hope your summer is one full of memory making adventures and you survive with lots of smiles.  Make sure you take lots of pictures – maybe even making a photo journal of all your adventures together.

(photo source)

Want more?

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

Susan also writes at The Confident Mom – Reviving the Art of Home & Family Management with practical tools so you can re-energize your role as a mom & develop your God-given potential! She is a proud mother of 3 awesome kids – ages 17, 13 and 9, married to her very own prince charming. She loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.” Read her full bio here.

In this episode I get the opportunity to interview Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.

One of the more popular series thus far has been the series on the Nice Guy.

Since most of the material for the Nice Guy posts has come from Dr. Glover’s work, it was great to talk to him more about the Nice Guy world.

Hope you enjoy!

Download as an mp3 file.

Want more?

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

Last year I wrote a post about 20 must read blogs for married people. This post included many of the sites I regularly read at the time … but as time has passed, some have gone away or dormant, while others have rocked along and even expanded.

What follows is an updated list, and almost all of these are in my feed reader.

These sites are worth your time and will help you in your life and relationships. Also, this list is not a marriage focused list. Instead I’ve chosen these sites based on their life improvement focus.

1. Zen Habits. Written by Leo Babauta, who’s created one of the largest blogs out there. He covers a range of self-improvement topics from creating new habits to getting in shape to relationships. (There is also now Zen Family Habits which as the name signifies, is all about family).
2. Simple Mom. One of the catch phrases for Simple Mom is “Zen Habits with an apron.” Tsh Oxenreider offers very practical tips and advice for managing life as a mom – I am still a columnist on Simple Mom. Tsh also has several “sister” sites worth reading as well (Simple Kids, Simple Bites, Simple Homeschool, and Simple Organic).
3. The Simple Dollar. Written by Trent Hamm, who focuses on financial talk for ordinary people. Full of great tips and advice discovered from personal experiences.
4. The Discomfort Zone. If you’re interested in a quirky look at things in the life improvement world, Tim Brownson’s your guy. His posts are full of great information and his take on life will help you in almost every situation.
5. Man vs. Debt. Written by Adam Baker, he and his wife and small child, sold all their stuff to pay off debt and travel around the world. Did you catch that, they paid off debt and traveled around the world. Baker’s created a great community online where you can follow their journey as well as share your own.
6. Donald Miller. Best selling author (and one of my favorites) regularly posts about life, spirituality, and his take on things. If you like any of his books, you’ll love his blog.
7. The Fluent Self. Havi Brooks writes and has several products aimed at helping you get destuckified. She writes for people who are bright, thoughtful and creative – and possibly kind of kooky.
8. Dumb Little Man. This is a site with a collection of tips, stories and advice, written by a lot of different authors. If you’re looking for a range of tips and topics, Dumb Little Man is a great place to start.
9. The Art of Nonconformity. Chris Guillebeau has a goal of visiting every country in the world within 3 years. Thus far he’s made it to over 130 and created quite a following along the way. He writes regularly about living a non-conforming lifestyle. His writing is insightful, challenging, and real. Plus he has some great products that will help you live the lifestyle you want as well – you can check them out here. (Full disclosure- I’m an affiliate of his products)
10. The Confident Mom. Susan Heid, a columnist here at Simple Marriage, wants to help busy moms find clarity, control and confidence in order to re-energize your role as a mom, home and family manager and potential as a woman.
11. Mom Grind. Vereed DeLeeuw looks to help moms deal with the daily grind of motherhood. But she quickly realized that giving advice bores her - she’d rather ask questions than answer them.
12. Art of Manliness. A blog dedicated to uncovering the lost art of being a man. AoM is authored by husband and wife team, Brett and Kate McKay, featuring posts helping men be better fathers, husbands, and men.
13. Enemy of Debt. Brad Chaffee writes to help people take control of their finances and to motivate and inspire financial discipline by focusing on behavior and truth.
14. My Super Charged Life. Jeff Nickles writes to help people find success and meaning in their life.
15. Organizing Your Way. Mandi Ehman considers herself an organizing junkie, and as far as I’m concerned, everyone needs to know at least one organizing junkie.
16. The Bold Life. Tess invites you to think bold, feel bold, and act bold… and live your dream.
17. Writer Dad. Sean Platt is a gifted writer who takes you with him on his journey through life as a husband and dad. Currently he is swamped with writing gigs so Writer Dad is not updated regularly, but when he does write, it’s worth the read.
18. Peace and Projects. Melissa is also a columnist here on Simple Marriage, but her main site offers great insight on life, love and getting things done.
19. Simple Marriage. It’s not just because this is where I write, it’s the only resource I’ve come across specifically designed to assist you in experiencing more in marriage and life. Marriage is about growing up.

I’m sure there are other gems out there in the blogosphere, so if I’ve missed one, please add it in the comments.

While the above list didn’t include marriage and relationship focused sites (aside from Simple Marriage), there are several really good sites worth noting.

1. Engaged Marriage. Dustin is also a columnist here at Simple Marriage, but his main site seeks to provide information and motivation for people that want something more from life and agree that their most important relationships shouldn’t be mired in mediocrity.
2. Project Happily Ever After. Alisa Bowman is a writer who chronicles her journey through marriage. She shares real, raw, and honest information. If you’ve been married any length of time then you’ll like her posts – I know I do.
3. The Marry Blogger. Stu Gray spent several years reading everything he could about what would make a stupendous marriage. His blog shares what he’s found thus far.
4. Project M. Written by Kathleen Quiring, she started this project in hopes of telling the truth about marriage as well as dispelling some of its myths.
5. One Extraordinary Marriage. If you like podcasts on marriage and life then you’ll like Tony and Alisa. Some of their postings are written but most are via audio podcast. Tony and Alisa hope to help every married couple discover more intimacy in their marriage, and share how their journey has impacted them.
6. Anonymous 8. This is a group of 35-55 year old women who talk about everything.  From the secrets of the bedroom to little-talked-about female issues. This is a safe place to find advice, answers to embarrassing questions, and ideas on how to spice up your intimate life.
7. Life Gems 4 Marriage. Lori Lowe wants to strengthen marriages and families by sharing stories of others as well as her own.
8. Happily Married After. David and Thea Patrick write on the fact that marriage is not always “sunshine and puppy dogs.” They hope to prove to the world that you can be married, faithful and HAPPY.
9. Confessions of a Loving Wife. Shannon O writes about love, marriage and the adventures of  domestic life.

Once again, there are probably other marriage and relationship sites worth mentioning, if I’ve missed one then please add it in the comments.

Enjoy!

(photo source)

Want more?

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

‘He who fails to plan, plans to fail’, Proverb

When you got married, did you and your spouse sit down and develop a plan for your family finances?

I am a big believer that those who are proactive achieve the most success, and I have experienced this to be true in the area of money and marriage almost without exception.  For the first several years of our marriage, my wife and I basically coasted along and didn’t give much thought to our money.

There was always a little money in the checking account, and we never missed a payment on our rent, cars, student loans or other debt.  The money thing was no big deal.

Well, about five years ago, we woke one day to the glaring realization that we had accumulated a lot of debt along with virtually no savings.  There’s nothing like a double-line on a home pregnancy test to make you quickly reassess where you stand financially.  When we looked under the surface of “everything seems fine,” we received a hefty dose “oh crap, not so much!”

It’s Time for a Plan

For us, that day marked a turning point in our family’s financial condition.  We took an honest assessment of where we stood, held hands and decided it was time for some major changes in the way we handled money.

Over the course of the next three-and-a-half years, we paid off nearly $55,000 to become debt-free in our marriage (other than our home mortgage) for the first time.  There are many reasons why you might want to consider a similar goal, but today’s post is about something much more universal.

You need a plan.

Whether you want to retire at 40 or just keep your car from getting repossessed, your financial situation and, most importantly, your marriage will improve if you develop a plan for your money.  When you tell your money where to go instead of wondering where it went, you take control of your family’s financial success.

The Big Three: How to Make a Money Plan that Works

1. Talk

If you’re single, it’s easy to create a plan and get started immediately.  Well, if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you have someone you need to coordinate this thing with.

Typically, one spouse is going to have their “aha” moment first.  It could be an inspiring story you read online, your first bounced check or the 100th call from a bill collector.  Regardless of where the seed gets planted, change is coming.

Well, when you’re married, a financial plan is only as effective as the most reluctant spouse wants it to be.  To get started, you need to discuss just exactly what you hope to accomplish for your marriage and family.

Use some of your Couple Time to ask each other, “What’s our plan all about?”

2. Lock Arms

Once you’ve discussed your goals, it’s time to start taking action.  And the key to effective action when you’re married is a little word with big implications: Unity.

I’m a firm believer that the biggest key to a successful financial game plan is being on the same page before you begin and then making adjustments as you progress to make sure you stay on track with each other.

So what does unity look like?  Well, it depends on your relationship, but how you handle your bank accounts will be a good indication of where you stand.

I have to admit that I used to have a pretty cut-and-dry view on this topic.  However, thanks to you fabulous Simple Marriage readers and our active community back at Engaged Marriage, I have opened my mind.

I invite you to read the most popular post on my site called “Should Married Couples Have Joint or Separate Bank Accounts?” and consider the variety of intelligent (and very passionate!) opinions in the post and comments.  To me, the bottom line is that you need to operate your finances from a central plan, which brings us to the dreaded “B” word.

3. Write It Down

Once you’ve talked it over with your spouse and committed to approach your finances with a unified mindset, you’re ready to physically create your financial plan.  Your plan will likely grow over time and include a variety of short, intermediate and long-term goals.

However, at its core, your plan needs to have a specific map for how you will handle your income and expenses.  And it needs to lay this out before you actually receive your income and then spend it (it is a plan, after all).

You guessed it, the base of any effective money plan is a monthly budget.  I’ve written previously here about the benefits a budget provides for your marriage.  If it’s the key to financial success and it’s great for your relationship, why doesn’t everyone use a budget?

You probably have your own reasons, but I know that we didn’t have a budget for years because we were ignorant about what was happening to our money and we liked it that way!  Another big issue, which actually popped up for us again recently, is the feeling that preparing a budget takes too much time and effort.

Well, trust me when I tell you it doesn’t have to be that way.  There are many fantastic budget software options out there, and we recently found a system that makes it easy and really meets our family’s needs.  Plus, it has a cool name: You Need A Budget!

Whether you choose a slick computer program or a simple legal pad and pencil, please just get started so you can lay the foundation for your family’s financial success!

Share Your Plan (or Lack Thereof) with the Community!

I really want to hear your thoughts on this subject.  I was frankly enlightened by the feedback I’ve received here previously on financial issues, and I would love to hear how your own family handles the issue of financial planning.

Please leave a comment sharing whether you have a money plan and how you and your spouse address the need for unity (or don’t).  Thanks!

(photo source)

Related posts:

1. Budgeting For Lazy People
2. Why You Want a Debt-Free Marriage
3. The Lazy Marriage’s Budget
4. Want to Improve Your Marriage? Build a Budget!

View full post on Simple Marriage

Editor’s Note: Originally published March 31, 2008.

For the past several months, my wife and I were making preparations to place our house on the market. We weren’t looking to move to an enormous house, but since we have two kids now, we were looking to gain another bedroom and a bit more storage space. After several weeks of preparation and organization, a couple of things became clear.

1. We have a lot of junk in our house. No wonder we are tight on storage space, we have too much stuff. As part of the organizing, we got rid of 2 pickup truck loads of stuff, and we still have too much of it left. Half the garage is now housing most of this until we do more purging.

2. The houses that would be a “move up” in space and amenities were more than we wanted to spend. For the past several years my wife and I have been working to live below our means. To move would stretch us a little beyond where we want to be, not that we can’t afford it, but why try to afford it? Part of living within a simple marriage is to live simply.

After deciding not to go through with the process, a tremendous weight was lifted off both our shoulders. We have now begun making plans on getting out of debt and traveling more with the kids. In other words, living life more alive and less tied to things and stuff.

This process has made us realize how easily you can be trapped into living according to a perceived expectation of society. How did society evolve to the point that when you have x number of kids living in an x number of bedroom house, you must get a bigger house in order for everyone to have their own room and an office and a playroom and on and on it goes. Didn’t our parents grow up with 2 or more kids in the same room? Plus, I heard that they walked to school through snow uphill both ways.

It seems we have begun to feel entitled to a certain lifestyle. A certain amount of luxuries. But at what cost?

Since my wife and I have decided not to move there has been a new level of passion and love in the house. We are less worried about the finances. Spending more time with the kids. Planning future trips and excursions. Getting away on the weekend for fun.

This past Saturday we went bike riding with the kids in tow, literally (they were in a bike trailer behind my bike). We had mud up to our knees, ruined our shoes, and had a blast the whole time.

I think there is a correlation between living within or below your means and passion in marriage. There is less stress. Less worry. Room for more adventure.

Try it. Spend some time organizing the house. De-clutter. Then spend the time planning an adventure together. Spend time with friends. Serve others. In other words, live and enjoy life. And if you still have time to spare, you can come to my house and help me clear out my garage of all my stuff.

Photo courtesy Bento Business

Related posts:

1. Essential Rules for Traveling Light in Marriage
2. 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage
3. Essential Rules for Traveling Light in Marriage
4. Simple Marriage Resolution for 2010

View full post on Simple Marriage

Perhaps you’ve seen the movie The Bucket List. You may even be one of the many people who’ve created such a list.

If you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, answer these questions:

Do you have some things that you really want to do before you die?

Have you written these things down?

If so, you have a bucket list.

The interesting thing about this idea is the process of crossing each item off can usually be accomplished during vacations and moments that come about throughout the year. But what about creating a list that goes beyond this? What about creating a lifestyle that you want to live?

A list that contains both the “once in a lifetime” type of activities as well as the “these are the things that bring meaning to my life” or “this it the lifestyle I want to live” type of things.

By meaning/lifestyle, I don’t mean making X amount of income so you can buy whatever you want. I’m talking about living according to your desire, not what society or anyone else teaches.

What I propose is this:

Take your Bucket List and write it down on a yellow pad. This list will include your dreams, experiences, accomplishments, etc.

On a separate sheet, begin to explore the things in this life that you find meaningful. This will be things like helping others, family, service, working towards social justice, giving your time, etc.

The best way to live a great life is to incorporate things that bring meaning to your life. This is often the area that goes unnoticed and unrecognized throughout life. For some people, discovering meaningful things will be easy, because you’re likely already living according them. For others, this will take some work.

Take some time this weekend and search your thoughts and life for the meaningful things. The way to tell the difference between Bucket List items and Life Meaning items … ask yourself what are you willing to die for. Life Meaning items are the things you would die for – Bucket List items are the things you want to do before you die.

If you’re looking for a little help in discovering your Life Meaning items, here’s a tool that will help get you started. The Personal Values Card Sort will help you uncover your core 3 – 5 values. The things that will bring you meaning in life will come from these values.

I’d love to hear what you discover. Share them in the comments.

(photo source)

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Christian Love Toys – A Safe & Sexy Place for Christian Marriages.
• A Simple Marriage – Corey’s book written to assist you in amping up your marriage.
• Potty Training Power – Ditch the diapers today!
• Todoodlist – Technology is great. Pencils are better.

Want more?

Check out the Simple Marriage Community.

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

Warning: Blatant sales post.

Summer means many things, no school for the kids, vacations, hot days sitting by the pool, yard work, and cookouts. The main thing about summer is time.

Time with family. Time to sit with your spouse outside and watch the kids play.

So why not take advantage of the time this summer and make your marriage even better?

A Simple Marriage is part book and part workbook, with lots of exercises and questions to help you create the relationship and life you desire.

Each section is designed to help you get the most out of your relationship – and life.

Here’s a look at what’s inside:

Table of Contents:

1. Stretch your thinking
2. Faith and design
3. The vision of a marriage fully alive
4. Survey yourself
5. Live from a deep place
6. The power of purpose
7. Levels of consciousness
8. Marriage designing: Are you thriving or surviving?
9. Living a fulfilled life
10. Marriage design
11. Daily delicious habits
12. What gets in your way?

For more on the book, go here.

As a special offer this summer, throughout the month of June, you can pick up your copy of A Simple Marriage for only $18. That’s over 20% off.

To take advantage of this offer, you must use the code summerrocks in the discount area at checkout. When the calendar turns to July the offer expires – so hurry and act now.

Only $18 during June 2010.

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Christian Love Toys – A Safe & Sexy Place for Christian Marriages.
• A Simple Marriage – Corey’s book written to assist you in amping up your marriage.
• Potty Training Power – Ditch the diapers today!
• Todoodlist – Technology is great. Pencils are better.

Want more?

Check out the Simple Marriage Community.

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage

The approach of Memorial Day this year made me think about some of my friends and family members who have passed away. The pain of their loss may never go away completely, but it has lessened over time.

One of the ways I dealt with the sudden loss of my mother several years ago was by writing a letter to tell her all the heartfelt things I didn’t have a chance to tell her in person. In fact, I wrote for hours that first night, often crying so hard that tears smeared the pages.

I told her how deeply saddened I was that I didn’t have a chance to tell her goodbye and how much I missed her. After a few sessions of cathartic writing, I was able to finally turn to a more joyous topic: how grateful I was to have her for my mother.

Mom taught me many of the important things in life, such as faith, love, family, honesty, respect and responsibility. I started writing vignettes about memories from my childhood and I found a sense of peace as I experienced what I can only describe as a starburst effect.

As I recalled the details of a single, simple family event (such as my 8th-grade graduation) it pointed me to stories about favorite family recipes (such as sour cream chocolate cake) that in turn made me recall summer activities (such as our huge vegetable garden and preparing projects for the county fair). If you envision the sky on the 4th of July, when the fireworks display amazes us with a burst of color and lights followed by another and then another, you’ll see a starburst effect.

Each little story made me think about another one and I began to jot down story ideas in a pretty little spiral-bound writing journal that I carried with me at all times. Every time the cobwebs in my mind cleared enough to reveal a potential topic for future development, I wrote it down in my journal. My hope was to use the snippets of memories to expand into a full story as time allowed.

So what’s the point of this rambling for you?

1. If you’ve lost someone dear to you, try writing to them or about them. Enjoy all the old memories you can recall to save for yourself, as well as for your friends and family. As a Personal Historian, I am always excited and pleased to help people save their family stories, whether I write for them or teach them how to write their own.
2. Think about the people around you and let them know how much you appreciate them while you still can. Tell them you love them and what you admire about them. Write them a little note to thank them for something, even if it is small. Consider this: if they were suddenly gone from your life, what would you have wanted them to know? Make an effort to show them how much they matter to you.
3. Start keeping your own writing journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a simple notebook, tablet or sheaf of paper where you can jot down images that you recall and stories that you can pursue later.
4. Years ago, I sent a letter to my great aunt and told her how much I appreciated her seeing me as a young lady when I was a terrible tomboy. My intention was to drive up to see her so we could talk about all the little things she had done for me. Unfortunately, she died before I could make the trip. I was so glad I didn’t put off sending that letter.
5. Moral of the story: Don’t wait until it is too late to tell someone how much they mean to you. You never know when you will lose someone dear and you don’t want to regret the omission.

Go ahead, make their day – tell someone you love them.
Better yet, write it down so they can refer to it time and again.

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Christian Love Toys – A Safe & Sexy Place for Christian Marriages.
• A Simple Marriage – Corey’s book written to assist you in amping up your marriage.
• Potty Training Power – Ditch the diapers today!
• Todoodlist – Technology is great. Pencils are better.

Want more?

Check out the Simple Marriage Community.

Get the Steps to a Simple Marriage EBook here.

No related posts.

View full post on Simple Marriage