Is It Ok For Her To Oogle? Reader Dating Question
Jeff asks: “Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly four months now. Throughout the whole time I’ve noticed that when we are together she often oogles other guys. She rarely stares long because if she does she knows I will see her looking. I’ve confronted her about it once before but it still happens. There is one guy in particular that she seems fond of and it bugs me. What should I do? What does this mean? Is she losing interest? Am I wrong for being upset about this?”
My opinion? You’re taking things a bit too seriously. Do you not oogle women at all when you’re out and about? Sure, she could be a bit more respectful if she’s oogling guys in front of you non-stop, especially if you’ve mentioned it to her before. But in the grand scheme of life, she’s being appreciative of others and not much more.
Now, if she’s leering and can’t keep her eyes off every hot guy that walks by or if she ignores you completely for five or more minutes at a time to oogle someone – then there’s a problem. But you even say she doesn’t “do it for long” because you believe she’s trying to be respectful to you. To me, that says a lot, and in a positive way. Her natural tendency (from what you’ve shared) is to oogle other guys, but she’s trying to reign it in for you.
Does this spell disaster for your relationship? It could if it matters so much to you that the behavior has to stop cold turkey for you to feel appreciated by your girlfriend – and this is perfectly acceptable if that’s a requirement for you, just be aware it may not be something your girlfriend can give you. Some people are natural flirts and others are naturally appreciative. If the oogling is coming in between the two of you to the point of you considering ending things, or if it makes you wonder if she’s looking elsewhere, try turning the tables for a day. Don’t say anything, but when the two of you are out and about one day, oogle as many women as she does men in the exact same way. If she notices and says something, shrug your shoulders and give her the same response she gave you when you confronted her on the topic. She’ll likely get the hint and work harder to change her own behavior. And if she doesn’t? Then you know there is a major incompatibility between the two of you (to oogle is acceptable for her but not for you), and it may be time to reconsider your four month long relationship.
What do you think readers? Do you agree or disagree? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?
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