HELP. newlywed marriage advice?
November 1, 2009 by Blessings From Home
Filed under Marriage
Tiffany asked:
OKAY I KEEP THINKING ABOUT ME EX OF 2 YEARS WHO I LOVED. HE CHEATED ON ME AND I STILL HATE HIM FOR IT. IM NOW MARRIED TO MY FIRST LOVE WHOM I KNOWN FOR 4 YEARS. IM SO HAPPY AND SO IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT HOW I GOT DONE DIRTY AND I JUST WANT TO GO BACK AND ASK HIM WHY HE DID IT AND IF HE WAS HAPPY WITH THE DECISION HE MADE. I FEEL LIKE I DIDNT GET ANY CLOSURE BECAUSE WE QUIT TALKING..NO EXPLAINING OR ANYTHING. I SEEN WHAT I HAD TO SEE. NOW ITS CAUSING PROBLEMS FOR MY MARRIAGE BECAUSE I CANT HELP TO THINK IM GOING TO BE IN FOR THE SAME THING WITH MY HUSBAND? I TRIED TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE BLOWS IT OFF LIKE IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER? ANY HELP? THANKS
OKAY I KEEP THINKING ABOUT ME EX OF 2 YEARS WHO I LOVED. HE CHEATED ON ME AND I STILL HATE HIM FOR IT. IM NOW MARRIED TO MY FIRST LOVE WHOM I KNOWN FOR 4 YEARS. IM SO HAPPY AND SO IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT HOW I GOT DONE DIRTY AND I JUST WANT TO GO BACK AND ASK HIM WHY HE DID IT AND IF HE WAS HAPPY WITH THE DECISION HE MADE. I FEEL LIKE I DIDNT GET ANY CLOSURE BECAUSE WE QUIT TALKING..NO EXPLAINING OR ANYTHING. I SEEN WHAT I HAD TO SEE. NOW ITS CAUSING PROBLEMS FOR MY MARRIAGE BECAUSE I CANT HELP TO THINK IM GOING TO BE IN FOR THE SAME THING WITH MY HUSBAND? I TRIED TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE BLOWS IT OFF LIKE IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER? ANY HELP? THANKS
LET GO OF BAD MEMORIES. Are you afraid to be happy ? why would cut yourself from happiness and make your husband pay for the damage caused by the wrong man only because you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. Learn to love and forgive yourself for having chosen the wrong type for you and move on.
LET GO OF BAD MEMORIES. Take care.
so you still Love the ex, if you didnt love him you couldnt hate him. you are lucky your husband blows it off because this could piss off a lot of guys. be happy with who you have and know that not every one is a cheater? ( are you?, if you are then maybe its your stuff you’re pissed about too. if not then just be happy)
We choose to be happy is an easy thing to say but harder to achieve. But you can choose to let go of your hatred and negative feelings and focus on the positives in your marriage instead. Try seeing a counsellor if you can’t talk to your husband – maybe he’ll come with you when he begins to see the positive results.
get over it.. that was the past and no husband wants to hear about a past boyfriend… leave it alone before you end up single… doesnt matter what the reason is why he left you,he did it and its done so move on.. you could have a good marriage or you could mess it all up with the bad memories you are having… if i was your husband,i wouldnt tolerate it either… get over it and never bring it up again to him or think about it… ITS THE PAST…. GET OVER IT!!!
Hey You are very special. For you I would advise not to marry at all. Cause a wife who thinks about others is not good at all.
by the way : my personal experience says do not go back to somebody who you have been divided for reasons before.
Firstly congrats on getting married! Your husband must love you very much and its only fair that you also give him his fair share of benefit and trust.Its only logical that you feel that history will repeat itself,but sometimes things happen for a good reason.Think of your ex cheating on you as a good sign cause now you’re married to a man who really loves you,wants to be with you and have you as his wife.Wasn’t it a good thing that your ex cheated you before you got hitched and not after?
Some people just don’t realize what they are giving up on till its too late,Your ex will also realize it some day but by then,you would have(already are) happy with a guy who loves you.Its understandable that you wanna talk to your ex to clear things up cause they’re always nagging and are there at the back of your mind. but its best to let go cause it doesn’t matter anymore.You know your husband better than anyone.he loves you and wants to spend his life with you,you should cut him some slack and realize they aren’t the same.They’re two different men and that’s the difference between the two.You’re just lucky you have married this one and not the other!
Takes time,but with time you will put the past behind you.appreciate your husband for everything he does for you,don’t let what happened in the past affect your present and a possible future.hope that helps!good luck!
p.s. try doing new innovative things with your husband since you’re newly married,take a vacation,play games,learn more about each other..life can be fun!
why are you jeopordisng your current relationship over somebody who obviously didn’t care too much about your feelings? life is not a therapy session – your cheating ex doesn’t want to and doesn’t have to explain his actions to you. you should focus on your marriage that you say is loving and happy and too bad if your ex is happy or not with his decision as he had his chance and he blew it. of course your husband blows you off – i would feel bad if my hubby was grieving over some chick from 2 years before. you need to be honest in your marriage but honestly some things are left better unsaid. this third wheel doesn’t matter as he is in the past and you have a new future. and as for thinking all men will cheat on you – that is plain illogical and self defeating.
What a Drastic report you have
Why dont you go to Ramu
He will make a picture than for you
Well, most husbands do not want to hear about the ex.
After I got married, during the first year, I kept thinking about my ex also, but it went away with time.
You are now married, concentrate on your husband now, and leave the past in the past, it will take time, but eventually, your “love” for your ex, will go way into your heart, and you will soon find yourself not thinking about him anymore, the memories will still be there, but you have to concentrate on your hubby now, and think why you married him in the first place, and why you left your ex in the first place also.
When you met your husband, you knew why you wanted to marry him, and you knew he was better than the ex.
It is normal to feel these feelings towards your ex, believe it or not, but when you met and married your husband you knew why you married your husband, you wanted something better, and you found it!!!!
Love is nothing its just a misunderstanding so forget about love . concentrate on your husband . you dont have another choice now .
You need counseling. You can’t dwell on the past. It is not fair to your husband. If you want your marriage to work get counseling! If your marriage fails, stay away from men and get your life together.
Why does this matter to you? You’re asking for closure, but the way I see it is that the guy didn’t give a care about your relationship since he cheated. Why in the heck would you want to find out more information? You’re now married to someone you love and you need to put your husband first. Just be glad you’re not with the jerk anymore and move on. It would be a shame if your marriage ended just because you couldn’t put this behind you. It’s time for you to grow up and start acting like an adult instead of acting like a teen.
You should have forgiven your ex when he cheated on you if you truly loved him. Why he cheated is a stupid question. Men cheat for some many different reasons!!! You should have forgiven your ex because I’m alive 45 years and I have never met a man that doesn’t cheat. If I were you I wouldn’t go snooping or you will be getting divorced!!! When you truly fall in love you should do anything for that man including forgiveness now it is too late. You made the wrong choices now deal with it. If you ever do truly fall in love again appreciate it and do anything for that person and it will all work out. Whatever you do don’t get married or you will destroy that love as well.