Newlywed with a baby, and my wife wont listen to me?
January 28, 2010 by Blessings From Home
Filed under Marriage
Joshua asked:
she is about to have my baby and when were happy its great but when i seem to have a problem, she never sees it from my piont of veiw. i try very hard to be calm and try to keep the peace when we argue but i feel instead i get walked on. she calls me names and contridicts everything i say to make it seem as if im the a$$hole. but i try to so hard to make her happy, but in retern all i ask is for some respect and appriciation which i feel i deserve. i treat her good and when i have a problem i just want her to fix it for me but she just yells and freaks out. she wont listen to my feelings i feel like im talking to a brick wall, i try not to be the infirior one in the relationship like i used to but when i dotn i feel she walks on me and its very unfair. id be happy to even get the same treatment from her that i give but i dont. i wish she would listen to my feelings. shes an independant girl but for someone who loves you as much as she says she does me shouldnt she care to fix things?
i didnt marry her b/c she was pregnant, i married her b/c i love her more than anything. im not insecure but she has hurt me in the past and it took alot for me to forgive her for it. I try to explain my point of veiw to her, but it doesnt work. and anytime she has a problem i try my best to make sure she is happy. i dont want her to be in a stressful envirement while pregnant i love that baby, but i should feel like my feelings dont matter right? i know some responces on her dont know all the details and bit off more than they can chew by exprecing thier nieve and ignorant opinions that reflects what a bloodsucing wife or girlfreind they are but im looking for an honest answer and someone that can relate to what im asking. this has nothing to do with acting like a child im in iraq right now and my concerns are multiplied a bit and her yelling and namecalling makes it alot harder for the both of us i think.
i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea about asking for respect. i feel that after going thru what we did and i managed to still commit to her and tell her that ill take care of her and the baby and get them whatever they need, that its not alot to ask her to respect the man that puts his all out there to provide to his family, i dont ask much i ask very little. she asks me for a house and when i get back from iraq the first thing im going to do is buy a home for us, but its seems no matter all the good i do its pushed aside and forgotten by one little thing and im left being told im a jerk for a husband or etc. i just cant take the mental putdowns i just want her to talk to me and not yell all the time.
she is about to have my baby and when were happy its great but when i seem to have a problem, she never sees it from my piont of veiw. i try very hard to be calm and try to keep the peace when we argue but i feel instead i get walked on. she calls me names and contridicts everything i say to make it seem as if im the a$$hole. but i try to so hard to make her happy, but in retern all i ask is for some respect and appriciation which i feel i deserve. i treat her good and when i have a problem i just want her to fix it for me but she just yells and freaks out. she wont listen to my feelings i feel like im talking to a brick wall, i try not to be the infirior one in the relationship like i used to but when i dotn i feel she walks on me and its very unfair. id be happy to even get the same treatment from her that i give but i dont. i wish she would listen to my feelings. shes an independant girl but for someone who loves you as much as she says she does me shouldnt she care to fix things?
i didnt marry her b/c she was pregnant, i married her b/c i love her more than anything. im not insecure but she has hurt me in the past and it took alot for me to forgive her for it. I try to explain my point of veiw to her, but it doesnt work. and anytime she has a problem i try my best to make sure she is happy. i dont want her to be in a stressful envirement while pregnant i love that baby, but i should feel like my feelings dont matter right? i know some responces on her dont know all the details and bit off more than they can chew by exprecing thier nieve and ignorant opinions that reflects what a bloodsucing wife or girlfreind they are but im looking for an honest answer and someone that can relate to what im asking. this has nothing to do with acting like a child im in iraq right now and my concerns are multiplied a bit and her yelling and namecalling makes it alot harder for the both of us i think.
i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea about asking for respect. i feel that after going thru what we did and i managed to still commit to her and tell her that ill take care of her and the baby and get them whatever they need, that its not alot to ask her to respect the man that puts his all out there to provide to his family, i dont ask much i ask very little. she asks me for a house and when i get back from iraq the first thing im going to do is buy a home for us, but its seems no matter all the good i do its pushed aside and forgotten by one little thing and im left being told im a jerk for a husband or etc. i just cant take the mental putdowns i just want her to talk to me and not yell all the time.
You both need to work on communication skills. She can’t ‘fix’ things for you – you can work things out together. If she does lose her temper and call you names a lot, then you can calmly remind her that it’s not helping the discussion to be insulting. At the same time, she could be reacting to things you say that aren’t as insulting but maybe display a manner that she feels is insulting to her. Everything is heightened by her being pregnant so maybe some of the tension will go away once she’s a mom. Help her a lot, show her what a good husband and dad you are and hope that she appreciates it. Even if she doesn’t show her appreciation, those are good things to be.
By the way, one problem with getting the other person to see your point of view is that it is not their responsibility to do that – it is your responsibility to explain your point of view clearly and calmly and in a winning way. It’s not easy. Why do you think there is so much conflict in the world – it’s for just this reason! It’s a real challenge.
Do you believe you Deserve respect and appreciation?
Come on that needs to be earned, Your wife is about to have a baby a calm happy atomosphere is what she needs not some insecure boy who thinks everything should be the way he wants it.
I call my husband names and I contradict him, When he deserves it, the other 90% of the time we are perfectly happy.
Have you ever thought that Yes you are wrong. Fix you own damn problems and let her have the baby in peace. Its time you grew up
Was she like this before you got her pregnant and had to marry her? Should have used condoms and you wouldn’t be in this situation.
Good luck, just hope it’s the pregnancy hormones that are making her ungrateful.
Welcome to marriage!
Sounds like you guys might need a little bit of counseling. sort of a mediator who will make her listen to your opinions and feelings. If you calmly talk to her, and she freaks out like you say, then she needs a little help on her communication and patience skills. Unless you guys get help soon, since your newly weds, it might not last…
remember shes pregnant….so she automatically crazy!!!!!!! 2nd ISSUES! you need to sit her down and let her know you can only take so much …….and im sure she does care but doesnt quite realize whats shes doing to you…