The Big Fat Myth About Monogamous Sex
I’m spending the week at the American Society of Journalists and Authors conference. I co-chaired the conference this year. It was a huge job, one that was time-consuming, but also satisfying. If you are a journalist or author, I hope to see you there.
To ensure you all have something to read while I’m away, I asked Gal Josefsberg if he would mind writing a guest post. Gal is an amateur husband, dog owner, blogger and entrepreneur. His latest start up is a website that promotes gifts ideas for men and women. In the post that follows, he writes about how to keep it sizzling in the bedroom.
How Married Sex Improves Over Time
My brother in law is getting married. When I told my friends this I got the usual comments that single guys make about marriage (hint: all single guys think marriage is awful until they fall in love). One comment in particular stuck in my head though. It was “well, he can kiss his sex life good bye”.
It’s a common thing people think about marriage I suppose. You say those vows and somehow sex just stops. Guys stop trying to make an effort and women stop having sex because they no longer need to please their man. Now that’s utter horse crap and we all know it, but this comment did lead me to think of the ways in which married sex is better and how to keep it that way.
When You’re Married You Can Have Sex ALL THE TIME
That’s right kids (wait, I mean adults), married people do indeed have sex. In fact, they have sex a lot more than single people. I was a bit of a player when I was single but my life still wasn’t anything like Charlie’s in Two and a Half Men (or Charlie in real life I suppose). Married? Well, I’m not going to give you an exact number (because my wife will shank me!) but it’s a lot more!
Ways to keep this going? Easy, make time in your life for each other. It’s easy when you’re dating, each date is a special occasion meant just for the two of you to be together. Once you’re married, it’s easy to fall into a routine where you spend time close to one another but not really together. You’ll work in separate rooms, one of you is cooking in the kitchen while the other is watching a show in the living room or maybe you’re both in the same room but doing your own thing. If you want to keep your sex life sexy, you need to make time for that togetherness. I don’t care if that’s a weekly date night or just going to bed at the same time but make sure you’re living together not just in the same house.
The Sex Is Better!
The first time you have sex with someone you barely know is so awkward. Are they into this? Do they like it when I do that? Oh god, please can they do more of that? Why are they doing that annoying thing with their hand?!?! It sucks. Sorry, I know the movies make it that first encounter really sexy but movies lie (A LOT!) Sex as a couple is way WAY better. You know exactly what the other person wants and they know exactly what you like. There’s no pressure to perform, no worries about what they’ll think of you, only a lot of really fun interactions.
Way to keep this going? Easy, just keep talking. Honest communication is the best way to have good sex, especially when married. Tastes change, people change, bodies change and sometimes you just want to try something new. Feel free, just keep your partner in the loop so to speak. If you really want to her to wear that sexy camisole, ask. If you really want him to fool around in the shower, ask. I know sex can be a touchy subject but that’s exactly why married sex is better, because it’s much easier to talk about your desire to experiment with blindfolds with your spouse than with a relative stranger.
It’s safer, which means less to worry about.
I remember back when I was single how much anxiety was connected to sex. Even with the right protection, things happen. Condoms don’t prevent all pregnancies, nor do they stop all diseases. Marriage makes those worries go away. Well, accidental pregnancies are still a problem but they’re much easier to manage in a marriage than outside it.
How to keep this going? No real work necessary here but I’d still recommend annual physicals with complete blood work should be on everyone’s calendar. They’re not just for you, they’re also for your wife or husband. I guess I should also mention that you shouldn’t cheat on your spouse but that one sort of seems obvious.
You Guessed It
Yes, married sex life is way better than single. You have more and better sex, with less to worry about. So the next time one of your single friends tells you about their awesome sex life, you can just smile and nod, no need to make their life even worse by bursting their bubble.
Learn more about Alisa’s book, the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to falling back in love.
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Go to ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com for more marriage advice or to converse with other recovering divorce daydreamers.